THE GREAT PRETENSE

Pretense is an unavoidable act. For personal and vulgar purposes it is indeed wanted. Though, pretending is done to make worse better, it is still an invalid reason to do pretense at all times. I do know many people who have done pretense for their personal pride. Pretending is a deceit, and a deceit uses lies. but for me, it isn’t a vile thing to do.

In friendships, I have encountered feigns a lot. But, I know pretense occurred to avoid a more difficult situation. There are instances such as what happened to us before. We had a misunderstanding with my friends, and it happened that pretense has done to avoid hurting the other’s feeling. well, if you do help trough wickedness, still it is wicked. Do you wanna be like the notorious RobinHood? Haha.

Personally, I’m doing pretense to hide my real emotions, to be less hurt, for my own sake. I’m feigning that I’m okay though not, for me to be unaware to answer bugging questions, such as why? What happened? Are you alright? Those just hurt my ego more. I have studied in psychology lessons, that pretending is needed in mental purposes. In that, I’ll concede it is really needed.

Though it is sheepish, I won’t feel embarrassed if I say I’m imperfectly virtuous. I say lies, I do pretense, I do gaffes, I commit blunders but I do know I’m not doing any misdemeanor and won’t be a culprit or a felon.

THE REBELLIOUS MIND

I did something callous. It was the cruel thing I’ve done in my entire life. I was about to kill myself. I was in suffocation. Thank god mom has forced me to stop what I was doing. I did it 12 hours; I was punishing myself for the entire half-day. I admit I am really sensitive when it comes to a little refusal or when I receive a bit of negative comments on my efforts. I’ve been liable on negativities. Some close people in my life often don’t appreciate what I’ve done or what I’ve achieved. They always see me on my bad side; they don’t tend to look at my abilities.

I was in my nasty old room where the AC’s still not working, the things are messy, the place is sleazy, the scruffy craps are everywhere and it is where our baggage is kept. I was hurt because of what my mom has said. It was her gaffe, for I’ve known that she has just done it for someone. Well, I can’t state here the exact story. Because of what she has said, my ego has hurt that made me thought to rebel at once. I slept at that room and stayed mesmerizing. In 12 hrs I was like an insane one, sweating a lot and doing nothing.

I can’t avoid being rebellious at all time, forever. After that, I can’t stay stupid to do that insanity still. Well, Thank God I’m safe, I wasn’t suffocated, just got dizzy and felt that I’m going to faint. I can’t stay wicked at all. I still can’t hide my care and love to my Mom. Whatever happened I consider it as another challenge that I’ve passed to. I am not dreaming to be notorious because of being the great rebel. Haha.

MISSING THE OLD SCHOOL

MISSING THE OLD SCHOOL

When I say old school, it’s not just about our old school, the IPSJ. It also doesn’t only mean the school works, such as the tiring seat works and home works or the projects. Yeah, I’ve been missing my student’s life since March. I miss the old school, the school itself, the students, the classrooms, the places, the empty pools, the big gymnasium, the stage, the flag ceremonies, the teachers, the canteen, the happy moments, my friends. Am I talking double Dutch? Well, I’m just missing them! Those valuable craps! Haha. No, joking. Those precious things!  Hay. I miss the old school, the guffaws with my friends, the enjoying babbles, the bugging dashes. Hooo. It isn’t like we are used to anymore.

Apparently, I’m missing them so much. I’m talking bout the previous seniors, the scorpions. I’ve been missing them since we graduated last march. Everything has happened with a moving on process. Some felt resentment, sadness, lonesome and madness. Some still feel the loss of friends. Some still on moving. Some still the same. Some already changed. It’ll be whooping to see us someday, together again back on where we started. It’s been months, when I saw them with blue graduation gowns with diplomas and awards. I’m hoping for our reunion someday, and I’m excited to see some of them soon.  I miss them so much.

I’ve retweeted a quote from a quote-posting twitter account. It was said there that it isn’t the GOODBYE that hurts but when the memories flashback. It’s true right? Sometimes it is just easy to say goodbye, take care. But, when you feel alone and you feel her/his loss then you’ll realize how important she/he is to you and how sad it was when he/she said his/her farewell to you. I’ve been to it since I felt how to be hurt when your memories with your close friends flashback, it is hurtful than when they said their goodbyes. Hay. Life is really colorful indeed, for it is about hi and goodbye.

New chapter; introduction

BULLSHIT. DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS WHEN SOMEONE’S GETTING YOUR GOOD MOOD OUT?! IT’S A HELL RIGHT?? IT’S A HECK. I HATE IT. THIS IS ME, A PERSON WHO’S SO CHOOSY WHEN IT COMES ON PEOPLE AROUND ME.I DON’T TRUST PEOPLE EASILY THOUGH I CAN BEFRIEND WHOEVER AT FIRST PLACE,YET IT DOESN’T MEAN I CAN TRUST THEM SO EASILY TOO. ON SOCIAL NETWORKS, I’M BEFRIENDING THOSE WHO HAVE SENSE. IN REAL WORLD, I DON’T TALK TO ANYONE UNLESS I FEEL COMFORTABLE TALKING TO THEM. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE TALKING MUCH, WITHOUT EVEN A BIT OF SENSE. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE SO WORDLESS TOO, WHO’S TALKING SO THRIFTY. OBVIOUSLY, I LIKE TALKING TO SMART PEOPLE, BOTH ACADEMICALLY AND HUMANITARY. I DISLIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE INTROVERT, A PERSON WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE’S FEELING OR THOUGHTS. AT FIRST CONVERSATION, I COULD EASILY SCRUTINIZE WHO’LL BE SUITED TO BE MY FRIEND. I CAN EASILY BEFRIEND THOSE WHO KNOW WHAT’S RESPECT MEANS AND HOW ITS IMPLICATIONS. EVERYTHING HAS ITS LIMITATIONS. RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING SHOULD BE APPLIED FIRST TO HAVE A CLOSE AMENITY AND A SWEET CAMARADERIE WITH PEOPLE WHO’LL SUIT YOUR NEEDS AND SATISFACTIONS. PEOPLE MIGHT KNOW ME AS A SHY TYPE PERSON, YET MY CLOSE FRIENDS WHO KNOW ME WELL DO KNOW WHO I AM. I’V BEEN LIVING 16 YEARS IN THIS WORLD SINCE 1994, I’VE WENT TO MANY PLACES ALREADY, HAVE MET DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND HAVE ENCOUNTERED DISTINCT CULTURES. I’M PATIENT, PROTECTIVE, KIND, STRONG, YET VULNERABLE.

I’M NOT A MATERIALISTIC PERSON, NOT THAT CHEAP, MATERIAL THING IS NOT THE ONLY FACTOR THAT CAN MAKE SOMEONE LIKE ME HAPPY.I’M SIMPLE AT ALL THINGS. THOUGH I LOVE GADGETS, VALUABLE THINGS, COOL STUFFS AND SELF-SATISFACTORY THINGS THOSE AREN’T THE THINGS THAT CAN FULFILL MY BLISS. I’M A PERSON WHO CAN SMILE AND CHERISH A SIMPLE MOMENT. THOUGH A SIMPLE HUG, KISS AND HUG FROM SOMEONE SPECIAL PERSON OF MINE COULD MAKE MY DAY HAPPY EVEN A SINGLE SHOW OF CARENESS FROM SOMEONE WOULD SURELY MAKE ME SMILE. THOUGH SIMPLICITY’S ACTING ON MY SOUL, I’M ALWAYS AIMING A SUCCESS IN LIFE.  I HATE SCRUFFY CRAPS SUCH AS IDIOTIC PEOPLE AND THEIR WRONGDOINGS. I’M A TOTAL DREAMER. I AM DREAMING TO GET THE BEST LIFE FOR ME AND MY BELOVED PARENTS. I GREW UP SPOILED AND A BRAT. ASHAMED BUT I SHOULD SAY, I WAS A FREAKING KID WHO COULD SAY AWFUL WORDS TO MY MOM. BUT BAD THINGS COULD REALLY CHANGE. I GREW UP WITH FAITH IN ALLAH AND AS I GET OLDER I’M BEING ABLE TO KNOW WHICH IS RIGHT AND WRONG. I LEARNT THE MECHANICS OF THIS LIFE, AND HOW TO PLAY IT. I GOT AN IDEA ON HOW TO LEVEL-UP AND HOW TO LOSE VILLAINS IN THIS KIND OF PLAY. IT HAS NO REPLAY AND PAUSE. WE SHOULD PLAY CONTINUOUSLY AND SHOULD KNOW HOW TO PLAY IN DIFFERENT CHARACTERS IN EACH LEVEL. IT’S A GAME THAT FIRST PUT ONTO OUR PALMS TO PLAY.

I HATE WHENEVER A PERSON DO ME ON EXPECTING MUCH. I HATE WHEN SOMEONE’S MAKING ME STAY STUPID ALL ALONG. I’M WILD WHENEVER ANGER STRIKES ME. I’M INTO HURTING PEOPLE PHYSICALLY, IM WEIRD AND STRANGE. I’M DEFINETLY UNKIND TO PEOPLE I LOATHE. THOUGH I DON’T AVENGE SO MUCH, I’M KEEPING VERY HARD FEELINGS INSTEAD. I’M A MOODY HUMAN. I SMOKE, MY OWN WAY OF REBELLING AND SUCIDE. I’M ALLERGIC ON SMOKES; I GET DIZZY EASILY WHEN I SMELL SMOKES. LIKE ANY OTHER GIRLS, I’M PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. I COMMIT MISTAKES. I’M DOING WRONGS. I’M A SINFUL PERSON.

I LOVE MY FAMILY. THOUGH, I GREW SPOILED I HAD REALIZED HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A FAMILY AND I DID CHANGE. THOUGH I HAVE NO ENOUGH GUTS TO TELL THEM VERBALLY THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, I’M SHOWING THEM INSTEAD MY HUNDRED PERCENT CARE AND LOVE. I’M ALWAYS SAYING THAT I’M A PROUD SISTER OF 3 MEN AND A PROUD DAUGHTER OF MR. AND MRS. CAPAL. TECHNICALLY, I LOVE THEM COZ THEY’RE THE FAMILY THAT ALLAH [GOD] HAS CHOSEN FOR ME. BLESSED TO HAVE A PATIENT MOM, NO DOUBT I INHERITED BEING PATIENT FROM HER BUT SHE’S QUITE AHEAD PATIENT. MY DAD’S A MEDIUM STRICT DAD ENOUGH FOR US TO BE DISCIPLINED.

I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, COMPOSING IT LITTLE BY LITTLE UNTIL I’M DONE. THOUGH THESE PARAGRAPHS ARE LONG, THESE DON’T MEAN MY ENTIRE THING. A SINGLE POST CAN’T BE ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE AND INTRODUCE ME. I’M A CHANGEABLE PERSON LIKE EVERYONE. I’M CHANGING FOR THE BETTER AND FOR IMPROVEMENTS. I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY SECOND POST HERE. – ENNCAPAL.

New BlogPage. ;]

http://www.kapalmonaman.blogspot.com — it is my blogsite about my junior and senior years, sort of highschool blog. 😉 if you are reading my previous posts on my blog spot, then you’ll know some facts bout me. A month ago, i graduated with high school accomplishments at IPSJ.  I am now counting my days left here in Jeddah, KSA. I planned of making this blogpage for my college life at the Philippines. Going to share here a more exciting life i’ll have. More thrilling. Going to share here  too the changes that will occur. Going to share some crucial thoughts i’ll have. That’s for now. ;] Expect me to post here again, when i am already at the Philippines. For now, I’ll post my updates on my blogspot and twitter. 🙂

——-

Goodbye high school. After 5 years you had stayed with us. And today, we have left you. The first days of high school were so interesting. We had the chance to reveal our reality to many new faces which came out of the blue. We had the audacity to make new friends like I did. It was a new story. But now, this story has ended after 5 years of a journey towards maturity. Our olden days have died but leaving behind A bunch of memories. But a new story shall begin. After ending the primary and high school stories, now we have come to our college story. Meeting new faces and forgetting the old ones. Making more friends and forgetting the painful horns which haunted you. The times when you were ignored and hated. All gone. Before we left today, girls were crying. Tears of their eyes told us that some hearts are soft. Emotional talks being told to us by the head teacher. Trying to get our high school love out in front of us. Those teachers who have put their socks on for us have helped us in many ways to pass our success in the future. Will be a miss and true. Just now I remember when I wrote my very first poem called sunset. It told many about the skies of colour which remind us the high school days. “Every day, every year, the sun will remind me the high school days. Because every student is represented in the sun’s rays. There souls are in the sky. That when you remember them, you’ll cry”. Yes, this is so true. Yes, I really will miss this story. Even in year’s time, I won’t be able to resist this sad, remembering mood.

Read more: http://authspot.com/poetry/goodbye-high-school/#ixzz0mLPgQG8x

JUST SHARIN;]